can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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