I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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