I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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