why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
