I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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