do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
