I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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