Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
