sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
