rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
