I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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