We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
