in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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