How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
