if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
