I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And then he peed in my hair
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