i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
