Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
