He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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