I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
