you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
