Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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