the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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