I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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