you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize