My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
