i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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