I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
