New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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