I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
