I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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