I think I won the penis lottery.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize