i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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