Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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