Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
