Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize