i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
