Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Found your dick twin last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
