he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
