; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
