call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize