Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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