Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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