i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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