Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
