We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
