My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
