if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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