there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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