therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
