Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
