dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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