I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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