...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
