every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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