Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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