Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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