I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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