There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
