I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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