The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
