I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
