I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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