Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
